Yoga isn’t just one thing, right? That’s why they call it the Eightfold Path. And even then, you’ve got countless variations of every style—Iyengar, Ishtanga, Kundalini, Vinyasa—just to name a few. But somehow, there are a few kinds of people who show up in every class. Here are the nine types of people who just seem to pop up everywhere:
1. The person who partied too hard the night before and came to “sweat it out.”
Yoga is great for detoxing the body and mind, and we seldom feel more desperate to flush out those toxins than after a night that started with “one tequila” and ended with “floor.” We won’t lie; we’ve been there. We respect you for showing up, but pro tip: You may want to snag a spot by the door.
2. The person who can’t make it through a pose without whispering affirmations to themselves (loudly).
Let’s just say before you come to a group yoga class, it’s good to learn the difference between an inner monologue and an outer monologue. We promise, we’re mentally affirming you, too. You just can’t hear it.
3. The person who has no idea what they signed up for and showed up wearing Sanuk yoga slings (made with yoga mat material) to be super-prepared for class—just in case yoga is a shoes-on activity.
All we can say, Boy Scout of the Yin world, is that we salute you. (Also, do you want to come on our next camping trip? You look like the kind of guy who knows his way around a campfire.)
4. The person who takes the hardest variation in every sequence—and still looks bored.
Who knew every single asana had its fullest expression in a handstand? You give us all something to strive for—and someday, we’ll be so enlightened, we won’t even be jealous anymore. Someday.
5. The chiseled dude who starts the class shirtless—even when it’s Hatha.
You did not get those muscles in child’s pose, Fabio. But you’re welcome in our yoga sesh anytime—as long as you don’t decide the balancing series is a great time to start eye-flirting with us.
6. The person whose yoga clothes are somehow chicer than your favorite outfit (but you still know they’re in your tribe from their Sanuk Yoga Mat Wander sandals).
Not gonna lie: We strutted our stuff in our new leather-inset leggings and matching bralette all the way here—no question we’d be the belle of the Bhakti. That is, until this goddess among us strode into the studio in a mind-blowing jumpsuit. After a few deep breaths and a glance at her Sanuk footwear, we got back into that Zen state of mind. Yoga’s not a competition, after all.
7. The octogenarian who looks more comfortable in wheel pose than you’ve ever been.
Call us crazy, but we consider ourselves masters of our own destiny. But this bad Betty’s one-legged backbend has officially convinced us otherwise. Teach us, oh wise one. We’d join your cult, like, yesterday.
8. The person who giggles at literally everything.
We get it. We all look silly in happy baby pose. Please stop reminding us.
9. The person who decides the teacher should get a round of applause before savasana. (It’s not a concert, dude.)
Everybody likes to be appreciated, but when the instructor says it’s time for “total relaxation,” he might not actually be envisioning the pre-encore standing ovation at a One Direction concert. A smile and a nod of gratitude feel a bit more apropos.